


Not Your Hero

by jacquelee



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Community: gameofcards, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 17:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10496340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacquelee/pseuds/jacquelee
Summary: Songfic for "I'm Not Your Hero" by Tegan and Sara, covering all of Orphan Black from Sarah's POV, up to and including the season 4 finale.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a challenge at [gameofcards](http://gameofcards.livejournal.com) for the prompt "I'm Not Your Hero" by Tegan and Sara.

_Standing where I am now, standing up at all_  
_I was used to feeling like I was never gonna see myself at the finish line_  
_Hanging on to parts of me, hanging on at all_  
_I was used to seeing no future in my sight line_

Sarah felt like the same song was playing constantly in her head since she had been thrust into all of this mess. Since Beth had jumped in front of that train. Since Alison and Cosima and Helena and Krystal and all the others had somehow decided she was the one to fix everything. Since her existence drifting from day to day had come to a sudden end.

_Sometimes it feels like they wanna remind me_  
_Send all those villains after me_

__

It had felt like a never ending race against DYAD and Neolution and whatever else they send after her. But she had never been the one they had wanted. She had never been a hero.

_I'm not their hero_  
_But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave_  
_I never walked the party line_  
_Doesn't mean that I was never afraid_  
_I'm not your hero_  
_But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same_

The revelation that they were all clones, Sestras, from the same stock, the same model, had turned everything around. Suddenly strangers had turned into the family she had never had, never even thought she wanted. 

_Feeling like I am now lighting up the hall_  
_I was used to standing in the shadow of a damaged heart_  
_Learning all I know now, losing all I did_  
_I never used to feel like I'd be standing so far ahead_

It had felt so good, having a place for herself, with Kira, with S., with her Sestras. And then, Kendall had died and everything seemed to fall apart again. She had fallen apart again, doing what she always did, trying to forget. 

_Sometimes it feels what I recovered you lost_  
_Sending your peaceful loss to me_

__

Standing on that bridge, at that moment, it had felt like Beth had been there with her. Somehow she had send her something, something she had needed in that moment. Something that made her able to go on. To fight. For them. For herself. 

_I'm not their hero_  
_But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave_  
_I never walked the party line_  
_Doesn't mean that I was never afraid_  
_I'm not your hero_  
_But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same_

But it had all blown up in their face. With Rachel's betrayal, with Cosima who knew where and the cure unattainable, Sarah had no idea what to do or how to move on. She just knew she had to help her Sestras in any way she could. That was why she went to the island alone. 

_Sometimes it feels like the side that I'm on_  
_Plays the toughest hand, holds the longest stand_  
_Sometimes it feels like I'm all that they've got_  
_It's so hard to know I'm not what they want_

Facing Rachel, Sarah's doubts came back. If Beth was still here, maybe she could have talked Rachel down, maybe she could have done something. But Beth wasn't here. Sarah was. And trying her best was the only thing she could do. Even after being beaten to a pulp, stabbed and very nearly shot, she still tried. 

_I'm not their hero_  
_But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave_  
_I never walked the party line_  
_Doesn't mean that I was never afraid_  
_I'm not your hero_  
_But that doesn't mean we're not one and the same_

Lying under the cliff, not being able to walk another step, she finally called for help. She finally admitted that she needed someone. And then it all fell apart. Listening to Ferdinand, realizing what it meant that he was with S. and Kira, she finally broke down. 

_I do my best to walk the finest line_  
_Till I've had all that I can take_

This was it. This was all she could take. It was over.


End file.
